Raising Global Citizens Presentation – Guelph UU, May 22, 2011

Thank you to my very capable service leader for his sweet introduction and thanks to all of you for giving me this opportunity to speak about an issue that is very near and dear to my heart.

I first need to tell you that I am by no means an expert on this topic. I stand in awe at collected wisdom, activism and intentional parenting of so many of the members of the congregation and feel admittedly sheepish about offering my perspectives.  In university while my more enlightened friends were studying women’s issues and participating in social justice activities, I was working towards a business degree and aspired to a corner office.  I have never been a WOOFer or a Peace Corps volunteer.  Heck I don’t even have a nose ring or a tattoo. Radical was not an adjective anyone would have used to describe me. It wasn’t until I had kids that my perspectives on so many things began to change.  I was well into my 30s before I ever attended a protest or a rally – and I went because my kids needed to go.

Given my lack of expert status, my talk today is less about a roadmap and more an overview of how I try to find my way and help my kids, knowing that in almost all instances I am following their lead rather than showing them the way.  I think my children are amazing and I am bowled over regularly by their compassion and willingness to get involved.  And while I know I have a parent’s bias in thinking that they are extraordinary, I know that their commitment to volunteering, social justice and activism is not unique. In fact they are surrounded by young friends who are equally energetically committed to making a difference in their world.

I should back up a bit and introduce myself. As many of you know, my husband Kevin and I have 4 children – Ryan is 13, Colin and Emily just turned 10 this week and Sara will be 8 in the summer.

We are a homeschooling family. Ryan left school early in Grade 1 – so that is almost 7 years ago now. My other children have never been to school.  I share this because our journey towards family activism really starts with our decision to homeschool . 

When you take on the primary responsibility to educate your children, there is a lot to worry about and once we made the decision to pull Ryan out of school I didn’t waste any time getting to worrying.  In trying to formulate what our educational path might look like, I wrote pages in my notebooks, read a tonne, did a mind maps with concepts like Rich, Connected,  Engaged,  Passionate, Purposeful.   I think education is one of those defining concepts and  when you tug at one thread you become acutely aware how much of your life is connected to your philosophy of education.  Homeschooling, even 6 or 7 years ago seemed far less mainstream than it is now, and so in stepping away from that conventional approach, our whole family started down a path that quickly influenced so many other elements of our life - how we wanted to relate to the world, the ideas and concepts I wanted to expose my kids to, my perception of the role of institutions and the responsibilities of individual in creating the world we want for our kids.

I wrote pages and pages in my notebooks about my educational goals for my kids, about helping them find passions, grounding their education in real world activities,  immersing them in the natural world, facilitating meaningful community connections, teaching critical thinking skills through real world discussions rather than textbook exercises and exposing them consciously to heroes and mentors that were more than the latest pop culture or sports idol. 

As part of my effort to introduce meaningful role models to Ryan, I took him to see Craig Kielburger, speak at one of the local churches. I thought it would be a great way to expose him to some interesting ideas.  I had no idea it would begin to shape our educational path in such a profound way.

Craig founded Free the Children when he was 12 years old and it has evolved into one of this country’s most influential youth activism organizations. Free the Children’s mission statement says the organization’s priority is to "free young people from the idea that they are powerless to bring about positive social change, and encourage them to act now to improve the lives of young people everywhere."

Craig’s talk that night was about using whatever gifts we have to make positive change.  Throughout the speech I kept thinking about what amazing parents he must have had to have nurtured two incredible sons. As engaging as Craig was, I was really wishing I could invite his mother over for tea to learn how she raised such inspiring and compassionate kids.

At the end of evening Craig took questions from the audience. For me the most relevant one was "Do you think that the North American school system is effective and what elements of that system do you integrate or avoid in the schools you build and fund?" The answer was interesting as both his parents are teachers, as were his grandparents and most of his extended family. He said that he has great respect for the effort teachers pour into making education work for our children but that the system itself follows an outmoded ingest and regurgitate model of learning. What we need is to teach children how to be global citizens - how to be engaged in their world, how to look at problems in new ways, how to think creatively, how to think about fairness, equality and justice. He said it is sad in a way that an organization like his has to exist at all - that the education system should be able to provide kids with the tools and opportunities to empower them, that curriculum - in fact entire learning models - should be built around the 40 hours of community service that Ontario high school kids are required to do each year. In his opinion it is only when education teaches kids they have the responsibility AND the power to effect change in their communities and in the lives of others as well as themselves, can we call these young people truly educated.

That evening had a profound effect on me. The scribbles in my notebook started to change and I began to search out more opportunities for my kids to connect in a different way with their world.

As we volunteered more and became more aware and active in the kids’ passions, I could see my kids developing in new ways. They had a confidence and an expectation that they could make a difference – far more confidence than I remember having at their age.  They had a way of seeing right to the centre of an issue and an ability to act without hesitation.  

Over the past few years my kids have volunteered for river and park clean ups, invasive species removal and tree planting. We have volunteered at Green Legacy and packed literally thousands of boxes at Feed the Children. They have helped run book drives, food drives, soccer leagues, peace parties.  They have made dolls for Haitian orphans and children in neglected  First Nations communities, and decorated blanket squares to be made into quilts for African Aids Orphans.  They canvassed neighbours for their loose change and raised $300 for Haitian Earthquake Relief.  A few months later, they organized a project called Pulling for Pakistan and with their friends they raised $1400 for Pakistan flood relief. They have written letters to protest the Quarry and Nestle, attended political rallies and debates, met with politicians, watched G8 protests, participated in mock elections, hugged trees and worked in the community gardens.  They have baked pies for a shelter’s Thanksgiving dinner, painted murals for Habitat for Humanity, raked leaves to raise money for Terry Fox’s foundation and shovelled snow for elderly neighbours just because it is the right thing to do. And while some of this is facilitated by Kevin and me, my function is mostly chauffeur, tour guide and responsible adult chaperone.  The interest, enthusiasm and energy for the work comes from them.

This list makes me very proud but that’s not why I share it. I share this list because the depth of issues it touches on amazes me, and it embodies, I think, the core elements of our 7 UU principles in action – democracy, dignity, interconnectedness, peace, support for one another, a search for truth and meaning.  The UU philosophy is the underpinning of all of their activism. And the connections between all of these activities seems to happen organically and sometimes serendipitously as well.  

For example when my kids and their friends were involved in a lego building program they decided to study windmills and as a result learned about alternative energy sources, offshore manufacturing issues, and  the economics of sustainability. 

When they chose countries for our geography fair they wanted something slightly obscure and picked Tuvalu which we quickly found out will likely be the first country to disappear due to global warming and rising oceans. And so alongside learning about Tuvalu’s exports and government we ended up investigating environmental issues, immigration and what can happen when First Nations/Aboriginal cultures are displaced.

The next year they picked Costa Rica I think  because Sara saw the name on a pineapple. After just a cursory bit of research we found out its constitution specifies it will not have an army, that it is home to the UN’s Peace University, that it has reversed rainforest destruction and is the world leader in biodiversity protection, setting aside ¼ of its landmass to be federally protected. As we were doing our project, Costa Rica  elected its first female Prime Minister and was again ranked at the top of the Happy Planet Index because of the way it handles its resources to supports the health and well being of the Costa Rican people and the environment.

It quickly becomes obvious that the opportunities to engage with our children in really meaningful discussion and education about important issues are everywhere.  And that leads me to some of the most challenging questions I have as a mother.   

How do I help my kids maintain balance in their lives?  There is always work to be done.  

How do I give them a childhood that is carefree – or is that really an important goal?

How to I help them maintain a sense of power and hope when so many of these issues are so incredibly daunting to me as an adult? 

How do I help them develop their own sense of ethics rather than imposing my own?

What issues do I tackle with them and what ones do I avoid or protect them from?

Conversely, how do I stay out of their way, and not allow my own selfish concerns, lack of understanding of these complex issues or limited energy to get in the way of the differences they want to make in the world?

These aren’t rhetorical questions.  I struggle to find answers and more often than maybe I should I will turn down the news or steer a conversation away from a certain topic because I just don’t know how to address it appropriately with them.  I talk with my girlfriends and they often feel as conflicted as I do about helping their kids navigate these issues.  I don’t know that there are easy answers for any of these questions. Just when I think I am getting handle on things my kids go and grow on me and the playing field shifts again.   

One of the books that really helps me to clarify these questions is called  Above All, Be Kind. The author, Zoe Weil is the President of The Institute for Humane Education and the author of a number of other books including Most Good, Least Harm.  She has done a wonderful Ted Talk called The World Becomes What You Teach. And in that talk she addresses this issue of whether it is fair to our kids to teach them about these complex issues, and by extension weigh them down with the expectations that they must solve problems that we created.

Zoe’s response (and I’m paraphrasing from the Ted Talk here) is that we need to provide every child with the knowledge, tools and motivation to be conscientious choice makers and engaged change makers so that we can have a restored, healthy and humane world for all.  We need to educate a generation of radical solution-aries.   To deny them what we know, and not provide them with the skills to move forward is to handicap them as they struggle to find solutions which will ensue their personal health, the health of our planet and of our relationships to one another.

So what have I learned – I promised some lessons about things I have learned living with these kids of mine who work so diligently to make a difference in their world.  In trying to articulate these lessons I found that they are hard to separate – they are interconnected.

I have learned a lot about myself, my limitations and prejudices, about issues (and there are many) where I do the talk better than the walk. I have learned a lot about parenting with the end in mind, about the things I do (both positive and negative) that have influence on my children’s broader capacity for compassion, critical thinking and acceptance. I’ve learned so much about the role of gratitude and the value of perspective in helping us all live peaceful engaged lives. But you don’t want to hear about my shortcomings.

On a more philosophical bent I thought I’d share these few lessons my kids have taught me:

We don’t have to be experts in order to act.

I love this quote from Dorris Haddock – a 93 year old Raging Granny. 

Do not hang back from involvement in addressing the problems of the world, waiting to become an expert. You are expert enough. Take your part in the great dramas and the great struggles now still in their opening acts in this world. It is the part where you storm on stage with a confused but mischievous look and the audience cheers you madly. Don't wait to know the part too well, or the moment will pass without you.

In fact for my kids I’ve seen that it is often better that they not have all the details which may overwhelm them and many which are not yet age appropriate.  Honestly they don’t need the details in many cases.  Children have a wisdom and energy that comes from their ability to see things plainly and simply. Last year I was reading the Power Of Generosity by Dave Toycen and came across this quote:

Children have an uncanny way of connecting their thoughts with their actions. For them, if you really mean it, you will do something about it. As adults, we sometimes fail to act because we see all the complexities. It's not uncommon for our knowledge to paralyze our expression of compassion... Connecting even the deepest of our motivations with a tangible expression brings integrity to what we feel.  A simple generous act frequently cuts right to the heart of the matter.

I am often amazed at the generosity of children around me, of their ability to give in a way that is truly free and based on meeting an immediate need. Before reading this quote I hadn't considered why it seemed harder for adults to trust that first instinct to give and yet it makes perfect sense. In talking to my kids about issues they distil it down to the core very quickly. Someone needs something we have to give and so we give it. Someone needs help and so we help. Something needs to be done and so we do it. (why doesn't that apply to cleaning their rooms?).  They are clear that we do these things simply because we can. It’s that simple. My own thinking gets murky with thoughts of intention, logistics, conservation of our own resources, I can get overwhelmed feel helpless and my good intentions are often hobbled by it. 

In hearing about the Haitian earth quake Sara looked at me and asked “What are we going to do Mum?”   WE?   DO?   “I don’t know” didn’t seem like an acceptable answer. And so while I floundered around trying to figure out a plan they got to work. In the end I didn’t need to do anything – other than help them find buckets and winter coats and wander the neighbourhood looking trustworthy while they approached neighbours asking them to contribute spare change. The neighbours emptied their pockets, or their change jars and the kids gave them small watercoloured hearts  as a thank you. In just an hour or two they gathered more than $300 which was matched by Kevin’s employer, and again by the government – generating $1000 in donations.  They learned that by engaging their community and encouraging everyone doing a little, that there can actually achieve a lot. I learned to trust them and their instincts to lead me more often.

I’ve also learned that real community matters in so many ways. 

The relationships my kids had built with our neighbours meant that the neighbours knew them, and were willing to give a little change for Haiti so that together we could make a bigger difference. When the kids talked to their friends about their idea, their friends got in on the act and the ripples got bigger.  Being part of a community of friends who are willing to help and whose parents support those efforts, normalizes all of this for my kids. They see themselves as part of a group of kids who want to make a difference and they have caring adults and access to mentors who encourage them to be their best selves.  These friends (young and old) bring their energy, passions and creativity into my kids’ lives and act as role models for ethics, activism, and engagement.  Most importantly they make it all fun.

Momentum is everything and it only takes one.

Daniel Goleman, in his Ted Talk about compassion discusses the phenomenon of what happens when one person notices and acts with compassion. It takes only one person or one act to break through an awareness threshold.  Once that threshold is broken, other people follow that lead.  What I want for my kids is to help them hold on to that first responder compassionate instinct that I think is innate in children but dulled in us as adults because we become too distracted to connect.   I’ve watched the impact of momentum on my children’s efforts and enthusiasm and know that, going back to my previous point, that community of like minded people is crucial to helping them stay connected and grounded to the things that really matter.    

People are kinder and more compassionate and generous than we might give them credit for.

I mentioned the Pulling for Pakistan project earlier. The kids decided that we needed to help Pakistan in the wake of the flooding and so we landed on the idea that we would take our wagons to the market and pull people’s purchases from the market to their vehicles in exchange for donations to the Red Cross.  We invited a bunch of friends – who came out in the cold and the rain early on a Saturday morning.  As you know international and personal responses to that crisis in Pakistan  was slow and theories ranged between donor fatigue to religious differences to bigotry, to concerns about the Pakistani government.  I was a bit worried that the kids would get deflated by too much rejection. Instead we were blown away by the response of the people in our community.  They gave generously both of their money and their kind and encouraging comments.  I am so grateful that not once have my children encountered people who have dismissed their efforts or passions because they are young.

As I was putting the finishing touches on this talk last night I thought it would be great to end with something profound.  But it was late – and I’m not really one for profundity at the best of times. And so I turned to some of my favourite quotes, authors and heroes to see what I could find to sum up what little I know about raising global citizens.  Here’s what spoke to me:

Barbara Coloroso – If we are to raise children who think and act ethically, we don’t begin with the thinking or acting, we begin with the caring.       

Sydney Smith - The greatest mistake is to do nothing because you can only do a little.  

And Gandhi - If we are to have real peace in the world, we must begin with the children.

Where does that leave us? I think what we do as parents or mentors or a caring community to facilitate our children’s compassion and connection in this world may just be the most radical act of our lives and our greatest gift to the future.

Thank you.

Resources

Zoe Weil’s Ted Talk and books, particularly Above All, Be Kind, are excellent resources.

http://zoeweil.com/

And this is my blog:

http://raisingglobalcitizens.blogspot.com/