Field Work – I became familiar with, and applied, self- management techniques, like goal setting etc, because change requires action!
Then I was ready to "work" Elaine’s Personal 6-Step Program for Recovery from Self-Sabotage
Step 1. Become conscious of the language that I use when setting New Years Resolutions or committing to positive change at any time of the year.
Do I use "the shoulds"? Does my choice of words imply that IT’S GOING TO BE HARD!!!
Do I frame the desired changes in terms of deprivation?
Are my goals thinly veiled value judgments revealing questionable priorities?
Erase 2 self-defeating words from my vocabulary…"Trying" and "Failure"
Step 2. Ditch the negative, choose the POSITIVE - focus on what I want (not what I want to give up or get rid of). Support the goal by putting it in writing and reflect on how achieving that goal would affect my life in a positive way…and how I would feel when I accomplished that goal?
Step 3. Be specific (lose the words "more’ and "less"), and realistic.
Step 4. Own the change…and get support – is this something I want??? Or is it something somebody else wants for me? Do I expect a change I make to change someone or something else? Who and what can support me?
Step 5. Acknowledge the small steps that I make toward the larger goal.
Step 6. Be gentle with myself, and with my old stuff too - Research shows that it takes 3 weeks to change a simple habit like putting your car keys in a different place when you get home! There will always be resistance and fighting resistance just makes it stronger. Accept it, learn from it, and forgive yourself if you "slip".
And be gentle with the "old stuff" - it’s part of me and it has served a purpose – to keep me safe. Change is risky business! When my old stuff no longer serves me (i.e. when it just keeps me stuck), I will treat it with compassion and gratitude…then let it go.
